The ugliest demin jacket

Charley 5.0 The Traveler’s Jacket ($277). Holy fugly. Who would wear this?!

Not your standard V Day gifts

If you are looking for V Day gifts with a twist, how about these hilarious presents? I totally recommend these as long as your honey has a great sense of humor.

World's Largest Inflatable Heart $16. The name cracks me up.

Love Stinks Soap $8

I Heart My Bicycle Bell $8

Mini Hottie Hand Warmer $10

I F*cking Love You Candy $8

Me and You Pillowcase Set $28

Lady Gaga goes gaga for granny’s girdle

Normally I don’t care about gossip about Lady Gaga, but this is pretty ridiculous.  This is a tip from the Kymaro company, a brand-name synonymous with infomercials, and apparently their bandage-color girdle is the actual costume for Lady Gaga & dancers during the “Bad Romance” number at recent performances.

Contrary to Gaga’s outrageous couture runway “get-ups”, the Kymaro Body Shaper is as mass-market as it gets. No, Alexander McQueen didn’t do a signature line or anything, these are “As Seen On TV” full-body girdles that retail for $39.99 at Bed, Bath & Beyond (no joke…).  Check out the infomercial if you are so inclined on YouTube. Seriously, who wears body shapers as actual clothes, on stage no less? Have her stage costumes gotten so outrageous that she’s run out of ideas?   Ironically, I don’t think the body shaper enhances her body shape at all :p

RAW Natural Beauty & Glow’s new video

Youtube star Stevie Ryan teamed up with glow.com and RAW to make this hilarious video about cosmetics.

Ask Hadley and she’ll give it to you straight

I always enjoy Hadley Freeman’s column Ask Hadley in The Guardian. her sharp wit is incomparable. This week’s column made me almost bust a gut.

Why do so many models and celebrities suddenly have pixie haircuts? Was a memo sent out?

Sally, London

Yes. And Ask Hadley has (through means that may have been sly, but never stooped to phone-tapping level) received a copy of that memo. It reads a little something like this – hit it!

“Dear ladies who make their livings out of their looks, here is a totally hot new haircut that will emphasise to the world that you have fantastic cheekbones and also are incredibly thin, because anyone else would look like Augustus Gloop with that ‘do. And if that wasn’t enough to have you hacking at your hair, here’s the cherry on this non-carb cake: it will also make you look a lot younger – childlike, even. That is a good thing, of course, as ‘childlike’ and ‘thin’ have become almost synonymous: the more thin one is, the more childlike one appears, ergo, childlike is good. Happy hacking!”

Celebrities like to feel that they are special, that there is something innate to them that lifts them above the peasant-like crowd who fly economy class and have fat arses. Some celebs think this “specialness” is about their talent. Others think it comes from their lifelong feeling that they are somehow “different”, a point they are fond of reiterating in interviews. Few of them put it down to their willingness to whore themselves out emotionally 24/7, and imbue their children with chronic insecurities, eating disorders and drug addictions as they grow up believing that success is measured in OK! magazine covers.

Anyway, the point is they like to know that they live in an unreachable ivory tower, away from the clamouring mob. VIP rooms and private member clubs can serve that purpose but, my goodness, have you seen who they are letting into Soho House these days? Very bridge and tunnel. Pixie haircuts (like Halle Berry’s, right), however, serve this purpose marvellously because only those willing to forgo bread for, like, ever, and who regard a plate of edamame as a really great hot lunch in the name of being deemed a “Bathing Beauty!” by Look magazine will be able to carry this haircut off. The pixies may see their cut as a sign that they are special, they are strong. Others may see it as proof that this person is probably a bit annoying. Either way, it’s a useful visual indicator for everyone.

If matchy-matchy is now a trend, as I’m told it is, then why doesn’t my girlfriend let me wear my denim jacket with my jeans?

Brian, Manchester

Um, wait. I’m sorry, I need a minute to recover. Your email has overwhelmed me with its bonkersness. So, you have heard that something is “a trend”, and you think that this means it is inherently now good – so good, in fact, that it could somehow allow you to wear two pieces of denim together. Your girlfriend controls your wardrobe like, what, your mother? And now you have decided to tell the world that you long to do the double-denim look. I’m sorry, Brian, but are you unwell? You obviously need many answers, and I don’t feel sufficiently qualified to answer them. But hey, I’m a professional, and if this somehow saves the public from seeing someone go double denim, then I shall stoically tackle your questions.

Look, Brian, there is no excuse for double denim. I wouldn’t care if there was a law saying that everyone should work the matchy-matchy look; this does not mean you should start dressing like a rock band from Estonia in the 80s. “Matchy-matchy” refers to matching colours, not matching fabrics. Key point. Another key point is that just because a couple of designers promote a look does not mean it is good – and certainly not, contrary to what some magazines might say, “essential”. It just makes it the look those designers are trying to make you buy. Different.

Moreover, why in the name of all that is sane and obvious do you want to do the double denim look anyway? Do you think it looks good? Do you own a mirror? Brian, dear heart, take note. It’s a big ol’ world out there, full of fabrics other than denim. Live a little!

And finally, I know I may have joshed you a little earlier about your clearly saint-like girlfriend controlling your wardrobe but, on reflection, I think that’s probably a good thing – and, incidentally, she is always, always right. Hey, you asked for it, pal.

Love it!

This is just too funny! I wonder what the little girl’s reaction was after seeing her portrait considering she wasn’t so happy to be drawn in the first place.

(via the hilarious Young, Professional and Bored)

Marc by Marc Jacobs animal wristlets – cute or not?

Marc by Marc Jacobs is known for its cutesy whimsical designs. What do you think of these animal wristlets? Cute or too silly?   The mouse one’s ears and eyes aren’t even symmetrical, which I find very funny.  Where would one take these?  Coffee runs perhaps, lol.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Mouse Wristlet $98

Marc by Marc Jacobs Owl Wristlet $98

Marc by Marc Jacobs Cheshire Cat Wristlet $98

Oh dear!

This just showed up in my inbox this morning. I thought it was too silly so I had to share.

“Paris Hilton was recently spotted outside of Newark Airport wearing Niki Biki’s Seamless Denim Leggings in Blue.
Knit from nylon, cotton and spandex, the super comfy and stretchy faux denim leggings are sure to be a popular wardrobe staple this fall and winter.”

Boy, I don’t think we need any more encouragement for people to wear leggings as pants! Even if they look like fake jeans! Full disclosure: I actually have 2 pairs of demin-looking leggings that I bought on eBay last year (you might find them this blog if you searched). But I never wore them as pants. Mostly under dresses and boots in the winter because they were thicker and warmer and looked different from other leggings. Never ever wear them as pants!

Niki Biki Seamless Denim Legging in Blue, Black and Charcoal are available at www.RepeatPossessions.com for $33 if you are so inclined to purchase one.

A bit of humor in the hard times

These pictures are so hilarious I had to stead from the always controvertial Essentially Emily. If I had known, I would’ve cashed out my mutual funds and got some killer shoes. Over the weekend, my cousin and I were stocking up on some neccessities at Sephora (finally got my favorite Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer – Oil Free Nude). My cousin said effectively the same thing as the tote in the second picture. So funny.

(source: essentiallyemily.com)

Why pair sweatpants with heels?

Just saw this bad styling job on these Primp Panda Sweatpants. As cute as the panda logo is on the sweatpants, I don’t think anybody would want to wear them with a pair of black pumps.

“Hang on to your hoodie!”

The hilarious Hadley Freeman from the Observer.co.uk never fails to make me crack up. This is gold:

As “hoodie” is now a generic term for a young thug, am I now not allowed to wear a hooded top? I find they keep me warm in my pension years!

Mrs Mildred Dawes, Twickenham, London

And so do I, Mrs Mildred, so do I! (Sorry readers, but Mrs Dawes and I are in agreement on this matter: such is the gravity of the subject that an exclamation mark is necessary.) To wit, a hooded top keeps one warm, keeps one cosy and, most importantly, keeps one’s blow-dry protected from the elements without recourse to an easily misplaced hat or umbrella. Perhaps only the Eames chair can rival the hooded top for its simple but ingenious design.

Yet this precious little garment has been kidnapped (hoodnapped) by thuggish youths and become sartorial shorthand for this objectionable demographic, with their music-playing mobiles and their grunting ways.

Hoodie lovers, unite! We cannot let these ill-behaved children steal our style, for that would mean that they have won and, dammit, I refuse to be beaten by some ill-behaved fool who has no sense of respect for his elders (me) and was born in 1993.

Laddie, I was living it up and, um, watching a lot of Neighbours and Home and Away when you were still in nappies. Bow down before me!

The only way to fight them is to cling on to our hoodies, cling on to them with all our might, and wear them as often and as defiantly as possible. Will they feel so cool when they see you and me, Mildred, walking down the street in our hoodies? I don’t think so.

Is this how she has such toned calves?

Via the always amusing Young, Professional and Bored, this is such a comical picture. I want those super high platform sandals on Kelly, although I’d topple over if I tried to race in them.

Guys should not wear flip flops at work!

There’s a guy in our building who invariably starts wearing flip flops every year as the weather warms up enough for sandals, and has his DIRTY feet on display for all to see. I had the misfortune of walking behind him today and couldn’t help but staring at his sullied heels. When I read this reader’s mail in The Guardian, it totally cracked me up and I felt like sending it to the guy .

My boyfriend complains that it’s unfair that women can get their toes out at work while men cannot. What’s your view on mens’ sandals in the workplace?
CT, by email

You’re both right – it is unfair, but so it goes. Look, boyfriend-of-CT: your feet are ugly. Don’t feel too bad about it, though, because all men’s feet are ugly. But compared to the hoiking and the cramming and the squashing that women’s feet endure on a daily basis, being ordered to keep covered seems pretty small potatoes to me.

To quote that inexhaustible fount of wisdom, the 1987 film The Princess Bride, life is pain, and anyone who says differently is selling something. And here at the Guardian, even in the fashion section, we are far too right-on and leftwing to try to sell anyone anything other than the truth, goddammit.

Amen! At least the reader’s boyfriend’s feet aren’t dirty. Or I hope!

When can a man wear a denim jacket?

A question asked by a Guardian reader. I think we all know the answer to that, right? But the writer had me laughing out loud.

At precisely 23 minutes past the hour of never. It is simply impossible for a man to wear a denim jacket. Whoa there, gentlemen! Stop your outraged fingertips from speeding to your quill pens to address an outraged missive, full of accusations of sexism, fashion fascism and even style racism. For this edict is no mere fashion whim but rather a statement of fact and basic personal protection. To the former first, a man should not wear anything on his lower half other than jeans, smart trousers or knee-length shorts. The denim jacket simply does not work with any of the above: with jeans you get the dreaded Double Denim effect, a look that contravenes all known laws of human decency; with smart trousers they look as ill-matched as Liza Minnelli and David Gest, and with long shorts they turn you into a Krankie.

But even if those aesthetic objections do not persuade, surely the matter of self-protection will. Come closer, men, and I shall let you into a sphinx-like secret about what goes on in the minds of us ladies. Sadly we just don’t have the time or space to divulge what is the secret chat-up line that will make all women immediately jump your bones, or the seemingly disgusting habit that we all actually find deeply attractive. But I can tell you that all women, when looking at a man sporting a denim jacket, think the same three words: Billy Ray Cyrus. Now, there are many phrases that may spring to mind when confronted by the man whose heart was once not just achy but, indeed, breaky, but “aphrodisiac” is not, except for the special few, one of them.
Which brings us, in a somewhat tortured and totally nonlibellous manner, to a photo of the man with his 15-year-old daughter in this month’s issue of the eternal controversy-baiter, Vanity Fair. Amongst the magazine’s usual odd mix of PR puff pieces and searing indictments about the war, there is an interview with Cyrus’ young daughter, Miley, better known to her many teenage fans as Hannah Montana (apparently wrenching rhymes are a genetic inheritance in the Cyrus family). This gripping interview has caused something of a stir, mainly because of the photo of Cyrus fille, in which she wears nothing other than, apparently, a pillow case. But more extraordinary, surely, is the photo of Miley, stomach bared, lying against her father’s manly body, his hand dangling just that little bit too close to her chest. Suffice to say that I doubt if this photo spread will add to Cyrus père’s appeal among the ladeez.

And that is what I mean about self-preservation, my dear male readers. The pitiable truth is that few women feel a frisson when thinking about a gentleman who makes rhymes about his internal organs, nor one who happily poses for attention-seeking photos with his teenage daughter. And that extra insight comes to you for free.

Very classy…

TGIF, everybody! Have a good laugh

(Via: http://youngprofessionalandbored.blogspot.com/)