Guys should not wear flip flops at work!

There’s a guy in our building who invariably starts wearing flip flops every year as the weather warms up enough for sandals, and has his DIRTY feet on display for all to see. I had the misfortune of walking behind him today and couldn’t help but staring at his sullied heels. When I read this reader’s mail in The Guardian, it totally cracked me up and I felt like sending it to the guy :P.

My boyfriend complains that it’s unfair that women can get their toes out at work while men cannot. What’s your view on mens’ sandals in the workplace?
CT, by email

You’re both right - it is unfair, but so it goes. Look, boyfriend-of-CT: your feet are ugly. Don’t feel too bad about it, though, because all men’s feet are ugly. But compared to the hoiking and the cramming and the squashing that women’s feet endure on a daily basis, being ordered to keep covered seems pretty small potatoes to me.

To quote that inexhaustible fount of wisdom, the 1987 film The Princess Bride, life is pain, and anyone who says differently is selling something. And here at the Guardian, even in the fashion section, we are far too right-on and leftwing to try to sell anyone anything other than the truth, goddammit.

Amen! At least the reader’s boyfriend’s feet aren’t dirty. Or I hope!

When can a man wear a denim jacket?

A question asked by a Guardian reader. I think we all know the answer to that, right? But the writer had me laughing out loud.

At precisely 23 minutes past the hour of never. It is simply impossible for a man to wear a denim jacket. Whoa there, gentlemen! Stop your outraged fingertips from speeding to your quill pens to address an outraged missive, full of accusations of sexism, fashion fascism and even style racism. For this edict is no mere fashion whim but rather a statement of fact and basic personal protection. To the former first, a man should not wear anything on his lower half other than jeans, smart trousers or knee-length shorts. The denim jacket simply does not work with any of the above: with jeans you get the dreaded Double Denim effect, a look that contravenes all known laws of human decency; with smart trousers they look as ill-matched as Liza Minnelli and David Gest, and with long shorts they turn you into a Krankie.

But even if those aesthetic objections do not persuade, surely the matter of self-protection will. Come closer, men, and I shall let you into a sphinx-like secret about what goes on in the minds of us ladies. Sadly we just don’t have the time or space to divulge what is the secret chat-up line that will make all women immediately jump your bones, or the seemingly disgusting habit that we all actually find deeply attractive. But I can tell you that all women, when looking at a man sporting a denim jacket, think the same three words: Billy Ray Cyrus. Now, there are many phrases that may spring to mind when confronted by the man whose heart was once not just achy but, indeed, breaky, but “aphrodisiac” is not, except for the special few, one of them.
Which brings us, in a somewhat tortured and totally nonlibellous manner, to a photo of the man with his 15-year-old daughter in this month’s issue of the eternal controversy-baiter, Vanity Fair. Amongst the magazine’s usual odd mix of PR puff pieces and searing indictments about the war, there is an interview with Cyrus’ young daughter, Miley, better known to her many teenage fans as Hannah Montana (apparently wrenching rhymes are a genetic inheritance in the Cyrus family). This gripping interview has caused something of a stir, mainly because of the photo of Cyrus fille, in which she wears nothing other than, apparently, a pillow case. But more extraordinary, surely, is the photo of Miley, stomach bared, lying against her father’s manly body, his hand dangling just that little bit too close to her chest. Suffice to say that I doubt if this photo spread will add to Cyrus père’s appeal among the ladeez.

And that is what I mean about self-preservation, my dear male readers. The pitiable truth is that few women feel a frisson when thinking about a gentleman who makes rhymes about his internal organs, nor one who happily poses for attention-seeking photos with his teenage daughter. And that extra insight comes to you for free.

Very classy…

TGIF, everybody! Have a good laugh

(Via: http://youngprofessionalandbored.blogspot.com/)

Need a little help in the derriere?

Vivienne Westwood Anglomania Bummy Skirt $495.00 on sale for $297.00. Possibly the best name for a skirt ever. I sure could use a bummy skirt. Vivienne Westwood’s not pulling any punches with this one eh? She doesn’t this skirt will enhance your curves. But rather it will actually give you a butt.

How to become Paris’ BFF

When I heard about Paris Hilton’s genius of an idea of looking for a new pal for a reality TV show, I thought what a ludicrous joke it was. But apparently it’s true. My favorite Toronto Star columnist Vinay Menon came up with a simple 10-point guide to succeeding as Paris Hilton’s BFF that had me laughing my head off. Here’s some mid-workday humor for you

1. STAYING IN TOUCH

Then go find an agent.

(Source: thestar.com)

Not your usual fashion guide

I was laughing out loud when I was reading The Guardian’s Hadley Freeman’s guide on Looking Good. It’s definitely not your average run of the mills fashion guide. She covers things from boots, cleavages, sunglasses, to various overly-used cliched fashion phrases like “homage”, “inspiration”, and “experimentation is key”. Whether you agree with her or not, it is a hilarious piece of reading.

Fashion that girls get and boys don’t

The prime example of this is patterns. You see a patterned dress and think, golly, isn’t that summer dress with an old Liberty print rather fabulously kitsch, with its connotations of England of yore? He thinks, how about that? I never noticed how much she resembles my grandmother’s sofa. Ditto with wedges: you’re thinking, kinda cool in a 50s pin-up kinda way; he’s thinking, hmmm, orthopaedic shoes. Prom skirts - how fun and they make my legs look thin, versus why is she dressed like the mother in Back To The Future? And so the list goes on: tunic dresses, empire lines, cocoon and egg-shaped skirts and dresses, anything with superfluous buckles and bows, handbags the size of TV sets.

…

Trenchcoats

The trenchcoat, like the pencil skirt, little black dress and “a proper handbag”, is one of those items fashion magazines always say one simply has to own as part of one’s grown-up, basic wardrobe, but actually just makes you feel as if you’re trying to pretend you’re in some terrible French film. The fact is, like the pencil skirt, the trenchcoat doesn’t suit all that many women. It’s a coat - but not very warm. It’s for outdoor wear - but shows up dirt like billyo. It’s a similar colour to a lot of women’s skin tone - which will just make you look jaundiced. And yet, on it lingers, haunting the pages of fashion magazines like an old smell of cabbage in a dead relative’s flat.

…

Fashion speak

· Homage is a conveniently trussed-up word for ‘blatant copy’ and can be used without the niggling fear of litigation. It has a soothing sheen of intellectualism, as though one is suggesting the designer in question spent long, noble hours in some dusty library.

· Inspiration, often used to denote the desperate recourse of a designer who has still not come up with any ideas two weeks before the collection is due. Off they hie to their teenage music obsession, a cinematic hero of old currently enjoying a bit of a renaissance or painting in some heavily publicised exhibition - and copy the bejesus out of it.

· Invest gives an aura of gravity to an undeniably frivolous pursuit, implying, say, that getting another Whistles party dress is on a par with prudently buying stocks.

· This season’s essential or must have is the baseline of fashion writing. And, really, one’s response can only be, bossy, bossy, bossy! Fashion people love a good imperative; it helps trample over any bleating objections to a…#8239;£1,500 handbag with a handle made from the bone of a woolly mammoth and stitching from the hair of an albino virgin.

Continue reading

Well said, Stacey

I was watching reruns of TLC’s What Not To Wear (Clinton’s adorable. I wish I had a shopping buddy like him!) yesterday and Stacey called these “flotation devices”. That was gold.

Uglier than Uggs

As if it’s not bad enough that Uggs won’t die, we gotta have bad imitations of Uggs too? Don’t these look like camel’s feet? Oh God, make ‘em stop.

BLUE SUEDE SHOE girls round toe suede bootie $18.97

BLUE SUEDE SHOE girls round toe suede bootie $18.97

I’m not mean, just curious.

Fashion Week’s starting in 2 days, on January 31st! I’m gong to glue myself to the computer screen for the shows. Not just for the clothes, but for the models too. I wonder if there are going to be some major spills on the runway (hehe ;). I saw this video on YouTube of various models falling, some are pretty legendary, e.g. Jessica Stam’s. It’s almost like watching figure skaters fall on ice. Sorta painful, sorta.

Knit Overload

We know knitwear’s one of the winter’s hottest looks, but too much of a good thing is never a good thing, especially when the crotch of your pants is about to touch the ground and you look like you have fat rolly legs.

(Source: telegraph.co.uk/fashion)

A JC Penney catalog from 1977

Somebody forwarded me these pictures. They are from a JC Pennny catalog from 1977!! Hope this brightens up your (drab) work day. Be careful not to bust a gut laughing.

And my favorite, look at the boxy vests and shirts.

Maxim’s Fashion Trends for Idiots - suits with shorts

(Junya Watanabe Spring 2008)

You gotta love it when Maxim magazine takes a stab at fashion trends that your regular guys just cannot understand. I’d say listen to them or your friends will make fun of you. This month’s Fashion Trends for Idiots is on suits with shorts:

If watching your local UPS guy wear shorts to work isn’t enough to make you shudder, let this photo complete the job. Several designers are debuting suits with shorts as one of the big fashion trends to watch in 2008. Another big trend: ridiculing anyone who wear shorts with a suit who doesn’t play guitar for AC/DC.

And on that note, cropped tuxedo jacket on skirt is unacceptable too. This one is practically scandalous.
(Jean Paul Gaultier Spring 2008)

Radar’s Hype Report

Radar is such a kick-ass magazine. I don’t know why it isn’t more popular. The writers are opinionated and brutally honest, which is what I love when I read magazines. The Hype Report made me laugh out loud. They are hilarious and so true! Posh and Becks top the list.

1. Posh and Becks
It’s not that they’re untalented—they arch their backs nicely in porny W fashion shoots. They’re excellent at peddling fragrances. And when it comes to lending suspect Scientologists an air of heterosexuality, there’s nobody better. But is that any reason for a besotted media to swarm David and Victoria Beckham daily? For ESPN to devote 19 cameras to film his July soccer debut with the L.A. Galaxy (even though he played all of 16 minutes)? For the Washington Post to muse on his chances of being knighted? Let’s face it: He’s an overpaid soccer star; she’s a pointless collection of body parts. Thankfully, not everyone has fallen for their charms: Britney Spears recently snubbed Posh at the Chateau Marmont, a move the Hindustan Times called “another sign that [Spears] is in a precarious state of mind.” We call it enlightened.

20. America Ferrera’s Looks
An overweight young Latina struggling to reconcile Mami’s injunctions to chow down with a white girl’s pressure to be skinny—has America Ferrera ever played another role? Let’s recap: Real Women Have Curves (big gal copes with minority status and the pressure to be thin), Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (ditto), and Ugly Betty (well, you know). Thank goodness her fairy godmother—the entertainment press—is always there to overcompensate with a kind word: The New York Daily News dubbed her “America the beautiful,” W fawned over her “gorgeous” looks, and People en Español named her one of its 50 Most Beautiful. Okay, she’s not ugly. But she’s no Betty.

28. Facebook (This one I totally agree with)
Harvard dropout Mark Zuckerberg is the new prince of Silicon Valley. Traffic disclosures from his social networking site—30 million users, tripling in popularity every year—have analysts swooning over a rumored IPO (some have valued the company at up to $10 billion). But even as the site positions itself as a one-stop portal for all your Internet needs, it’s still unclear whether it will become the next Google—or the next Friendster. Facebook’s banner ads have an abysmally low click-through rate, and most of the “applications” under its platform have fizzled. The few that haven’t will surely wither if the company starts charging for them. We suggest Zuck unload his billion-dollar baby while he still can.

Check out the whole list here.

Don’t wear jeans too saggy

Apparently, one could go to jail if his jeans sagged too low. “Sagging began in prison, where oversized uniforms were issued without belts to prevent suicide and their use as weapons. The style spread through rappers and music videos, from the ghetto to the suburbs and around the world.” Funny how a trend that originated from prison can land a person in prison now.

(Source: nytimes.com)

This is gold!

This is what Miss South Carolina Teen, Caitlin Upton, 18, answered to the question “Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future.”

Check out the YouTube clip here.

She got a do-over Tuesday morning on NBC’s Today show, where she explained she froze during the nationally televised Miss Teen USA Pageant. “Everybody makes a mistake. I’m human,” explained the contestant, who went on to finish in fourth place. “Right when the question was asked of me, I was in shock.” And this is what she said on Today show: “Personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on a map. I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t. If the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography in our education so people will learn how to read maps better.”

I haven’t laughed so hard in a very long time.

(Source: usatoday.com)